Most people name an executor the same way they pick a wedding best man or maid of honor: they choose the person they are closest to and call it done. That instinct comes from the right place. But being a good executor has very little to do with being a beloved family member, and choosing based on loyalty rather than fit is one of the quieter mistakes in estate planning on Long Island.
What an executor actually has to do
When you name someone as executor in your New York will, you are asking them to take on a real job. After your death, they file your will with the Suffolk County Surrogate’s Court, receive Letters Testamentary that authorize them to act on behalf of your estate and then get to work. That work includes locating and valuing your assets, notifying creditors, paying outstanding debts and taxes, managing any ongoing financial obligations and ultimately distributing what remains to your beneficiaries.
This process takes time. In New York, even a straightforward estate administration can run a year or more. A complicated one can run longer. Your executor handles all of it, often while grieving, often while managing their own career and family and often while fielding questions and concerns from beneficiaries who want updates.
Under New York law, your executor receives a statutory commission for this work based on the size of your estate, calculated on a tiered schedule that adjusts as the estate value increases. That is appropriate compensation for a genuinely demanding responsibility.
Who tends to struggle in the role
The qualities that make someone a wonderful person and a devoted family member do not always translate into executor effectiveness. Here are the situations that tend to create problems:
- The out-of-state family member. New York allows non-residents to serve as executor but requires additional legal steps, including designating the Secretary of State as an agent for service of process. The logistical burden of managing a Suffolk County estate from another state adds friction at every turn.
- The family member with their own financial struggles. An executor has fiduciary duties to every beneficiary. Someone who has difficulty managing their own money faces a steep climb in managing yours responsibly and legally.
- The family member whose relationship with other beneficiaries is already complicated. An executor who has to make decisions while navigating family tension is in an uncomfortable position that tends to make existing conflict worse, not better.
None of this means the person you love most is the wrong choice. It means the decision deserves more thought than most people give it.
How to think about this decision differently
The best executor is someone organized, trustworthy, geographically accessible and capable of staying calm under pressure for an extended period. Sometimes that person is your oldest child. Sometimes it is a close friend with a financial background. Sometimes it is a professional fiduciary or a corporate trustee when no suitable individual exists.
An estate planning attorney familiar with how Suffolk County Surrogate’s Court works can help you think through your specific family situation, talk honestly about whether your first instinct is also your best one and make sure the person you name is genuinely set up to succeed in the role.